So today I got up bright and early, very eager to meet my embabies! I was called inot Dr G's office and he proceeded to tell me how they were doing:
1 - Looking good - 8 cells
2 - Not looking good - 8 cells, but genetic abnormalities (wtf??)
3 - Not looking good - 7 cells, but genetic abnormalities (again, wtf??)
4 - Stopped growing
5 - Not looking good - 7 cells, but lots of fragmentation
6 - Not looking good - 6 cells, but genetic abnormalities (and again, wtf??)
7 - Looking good - 9 cells
I looked at Dr G dumbfounded, who saw my face and quickly said that we at least have two good embies to transfer. I then asked if there were any good enough to freeze (why I asked after hearing the results, I dont know) and he said 'no, unfortunaltely'. I burst into tears. He took my hand and said, 'lets not focus on the back up plan gone wrong, lets focus on the 2 beautiful embies that we are going to put back inside you for now'
I went downstairs to the theatre to prepare for Embryo Transfer and I could not stop the tears from falling down my face. I tried to stop crying, and was managing ok until I went into theatre.
Everything was fine up until the point where Dr G told me that he was now transferring the embryo's. I started crying again. I am not sure why.
So now I have to embryo's inside me, and I am feeling pretty drained.
The genetic abnormalities has bothered me. Is it me causing the abnormalities? I shouldnt think it would be the sperm.
So this is it. If this fails, it's over. For good. Yesterday I was convinced I had a back up plan. I have no back up plan anymore.
I know I am supposed to be positive, but I dont know how to be. Please help. Right now I am an emotional mess
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4 years ago
Oh my friend.. I know what it feels like to hear genetic abnormalaties and please DO NOT put any blame on yourself. Focus on your 2 special embies and think of what joy one or both could bring you soon.. Sending lots of love and light to you my friend! MWAH!
ReplyDeleteEve, it is very common for embrios to develop genetic abnormalities. Most of the time we do not even know it. Did you have PGD done, ore could they see it in the development? They said my first m/c (and most first trimester m/c's) was due to genetic abnormalities, so it can happen to any one at any time. At least there are 2 that are perfectly normal, and that is an achievement in itself. I know how this sounds, but if I were you I would try to forget about it, and concentrate on the perfect 2 that are going to become your babies. At least you know they do NOT have abnormailities so, incase it doesn't work, you will know that genetics was not to blame. It's very hard my friend. No one ever said IVF was easy, but you are handling it very well and you are a very brave young woman. Any baby would be blessed to have you as a mommy. Trust in our Father and speak His word, and you WILL be blessed. I hereby pray that God is breathing life into your womb as I type this.
ReplyDeleteEve, dear friend, I pray that God will keep his hand over your babies and bless you! You are in my prayers!
ReplyDeleteHugs!
xx
Lots of hugs coming your way my friend!
ReplyDeleteEvie hang in there! IVF is very tough and you are doing a great job! Our back-up also went nowhere but the fact is, there are 2 beautiful babies in there and they are the ones that count! With my SIL's last transfer she had only 1 and kept making new plans till I said to her, you know, there is a little one there who needs your love now, so forget about the rest, let us focus on him/her. I know it is hard but you only have one hurdle left. Lots of luck my friend,xx
ReplyDeleteOh Eve my friend i cannot even begin to imagine the emotional turmoil you must be going through right now but i am saving a place for you in my daily prayers - be positive and imagine those little babies growing inside you as i firmly believe in positive thoughts equals positive energy. You are so strong and the waiting is going to be the worst thing you have to do (probably in your life) but please know that we are all waiting with you and will be there for you at the finish line ... Lots of love sweetie xxx
ReplyDeleteGuess what? We transferred one 9 cell and one 8 cell too, and they took! I call Connor my little 9-cell when I'm feeling nostalgic, or sleep-deprived, I don't know which :)
ReplyDelete