Half A Dozen

That's how many follies I have. Well, 6 decent size ones. I must say I am a bit dissapointed. 6 amps of Gonal F, half an amp of Luveris and half an amp of Cetrotide per day, I really was hoping for a few more.

I know that quantity is better than quality...

And my left ovary clearly doesnt want to do its job - only 1 follicle!
I feel as though I have failed myself. I mean, we as women are designed to produce babies. I cant even get that right.

Sorry for the morbid post - it's probably just the meds. Maybe my next scan on Thursday will bring better news.
Crappy birthday to me!

Update On My Update!

Well, I feel better after this morning's discussion with the IVF co ordinator. It seems that I am on the Estrogen Priming Protocol, and that the way Dr J is doing this, is to try and get 1 or 2 more eggies than I would have if I just did a normal protocol. So that being said, I am easing into this a bit better.

Today I started my Gonal F injections. 6 amps a day! I must keep on with the Cetrotide up until next week Wednesday (2nd Sept). I start Progynova on Friday. Cant believe I have to shove a tablet up you know where!! I am all for suppositries etc but an actual round tablet?? The images in my head are really disturbing! I also start the Luveris on Friday.

Anyway, Monday (31st August) Is my first scan since starting stimms. It is also my birthday, so I am hoping to walk away with good news!

So that is all for now. Will keep you updated.

PS. I got my purple bag ;)

Small Update

Today is Day 5 of my IVF cycle.
I have been on Estraderm patches and Cetrotide since Day 2. I have been very worried about this as I havent started my stimms yet. I apparently only start them on Wednesday. That would be day 7. Seems very late to be starting stimms, dont you think?

I have been doing a lot of googling, and I thought I might be doing the Estrogen Priming Protocol, but even that protocol you start stimming on Day 2 or 3.

I phoned the IVF co ordinator and she said that what I am doing is correct, so I suppose I have to accept it, but there is a small part of me that still feels that something is wrong.

I hope that I am wrong!

Cold Feet

I dont know if I can do this. I thought I was strong enough to, but now that the time has come, I dont think I can.
I am so very scared. I wish I had someone to share this terrifying experience with me, and tell me that it is going to be ok.
I know my internet buddies will be there for me. I am relying on them heavily. But, I wish I had a husband who would accompany me to the scans; be with me before I go into theatre to retrieve the eggs and transfer them back again. To try keep me sane during the 2ww. And to be there when I recieve the good/bad news.

I dont know if I can do this alone. It is so tiring putting on this damn brave face.

Photography Week 3

Was much better than week 2!! Thanks for making me feel better ladies!

Just thought I would put up some of the pics that I have already taken. Let me know what you think. Oh, and honest opinions please!

A Post For Mandy.....

I found this article while surfing the net today and I immediately though of you!
This was written by Lynn Steen:

As any woman who is trying to get pregnant can tell you, the two weeks from ovulation to the due date for your next period are pure torture. You promise yourself you’ll just wait it out, distract yourself with other activities and you won’t even THINK about taking a pregnancy test until you’re at least a day overdue. Then something happens – your breasts start hurting in a slightly different way than they did before, you get slightly nauseous, you have some spotting, or nothing happens, but you find yourself waking up wishing you could go to sleep again so that it would be another day closer to knowing. You can’t think, you can’t sleep, you can’t work, and you start taking HPT’s days before they are even possibly meaningful. You are deep in the abyss of THE TWO-WEEK-WAIT!

In my opinion, it’s no use advising women to stop obsessing, it’s impossible. Instead, I give you a list of more productive ways to obsess. Please note, however, that there is a limit that each woman must define for herself, between indulging in some baby daydreaming and going overboard. I’ve included some examples below:

1. Take a walk around your neighborhood and figure out what will be the best route for strolls with the baby. Find areas with nice pavements and easy curbs. Go ahead and daydream. But do NOT buy a stroller for the dog.

2. Clean out your wardrobe to make room for the maternity stuff you’ll be buying soon. Try on anything you haven’t worn for six months. Yes, if you wish, you may put a pillow in your undies to see what will work as maternity wear. But taking a picture of yourself like that is going too far.

3. Start a journal. Write down everything you’re feeling. It will be a great opening chapter for your child’s baby book. If you can’t put your feelings into words, draw something; try to create a symbol that expresses the frustration you’re feeling. Don’t get that symbol tattooed on your ankle.

4. Plant a hope garden. Or a hope rosebush. Or a hope citrus tree. You want to grow something inside of you, well start by growing something outside of you. Nurture it. Feed it. Give it water. Talk to it. But do not send out birth announcements.

5. Get better at photography. Really learn how to work all the buttons and settings on your camera. Experiment! If you have a digital camera, get all the downloading and editing stuff worked out. You will be well prepared once you have a baby, and will be able to get some great shots and get them emailed to your family before the child’s graduation. Do not take photos of your cervical mucous, even if Toni Weschler begs you.

6. Make an appeal to the committee meeting going on inside you. Sperm, egg, uterus, corpus luteum, progesterone – they are in there either making a baby or not. Treat them like any other unruly committee you’ve ever addressed. Yes that’s right, go ahead and talk to them. Put your hands on your stomach and tell them how much you respect them. Make your best argument in favor of a baby, and then let them decide. It’s out of your hands. Addressing the committee within earshot of normal people is not recommended.

7. Paint your toenails. Imagine how difficult this will be when you are pregnant. Go shopping for the perfect pink and blue nail polish in preparation for a celebration polish. Alternating colors on the day you find out you’re pregnant, or a single color for the day you find out the baby’s sex. Don’t be tempted to paint a cycle day countdown on your big toes.

8. Make a cup of herbal tea. It is a nice ritual: boiling the water, adding the tea leaves, pouring into a nice china cup, adding some milk or sugar, sipping peacefully. Ahhhh. There’s nothing that a nice cup of tea won’t help. Yeah right. Well it does kill a little bit of time.

9. Swim laps. Think about the sperm and how they need to swim to your egg. Imagine that you are a sperm, the end of the pool is the egg, then GO, GO, GO! Don’t wear a tail or anything. Just imagine it quietly.

10. Make lists. List all the people you will tell when you get pregnant, and in what order. List all the little jobs you need to get done instead of obsessing about this 2WW! List all the healthy activities you intend to do this week. List all the girl and boy names you like. Lists are helpful for all sorts of things, most of all for passing time rather than actually doing something.

11. Create a fertility dance. Choose whatever music speaks to your soul and make up a dance routine as a prayer to the universe for the growth of an embryo. Move your hips, rotate your belly, let your arms flow – but close the curtains.

12. Prepare a folic acid feast. Cream of broccoli soup as an entree, followed by spinach lasagna, enriched whole grain garlic bread and frozen orange juice sorbet for dessert. Dedicate the meal to your baby-to-be. Just don’t set a highchair at the table in his or her honor.

13. Delegate the burden of the two-week wait. Clearly someone has to worry constantly during this time, but does it have to be you? Divide the days up among your best friends and closest family. On their assigned day they are required to think, wonder, and worry all day about whether you are pregnant or not. At the end of the day they have to call or send you email describing how agonizing it was. Also they have to report to you if they had any “symptoms,” such as sore breasts, excessive urination, nausea, bleeding, fatigue… you will be surprised how many people, male and female, have early pregnancy symptoms if they just look for them.

14. Write a list of 14 things to do during the Two-Week Wait and post it to the internet. For me, this killed nearly 3 hours. Now what? I’ve still got 9 days to go? Aaaarrgrhhhh.

Hope this helps a bit!

Cue The Music...

****I bruise easily, la la la la....****!!!!

My poor little tummy is purple, and I have only had 4 teeny tiny injections so far! Can you imagine what it is going to look like after all the stimms?

I have always been known to bruise quite easily, but seriously, this is bad! I dont remember bruising this badly with my Menopur shots. Maybe I need some more iron? (I hope not, as I am shoving so many vitamin type pills down my gullet already, that the thought of taking 1 more makes me tired!!)

Anyway, this is a bit on an arb post, and I feel like I am talking to myself... or could I be talking to the voices in my head again?

And We're Off!!

So I hardly slept last night! I don't know if it was because I was excited,because I am not sure if I am excited or just damn terrified - probably the latter!
Anyway, got to VL and sat down with my IVF co ordinator. She then asked if I injected myself before. I said yes, many times (hell I did 9 iui's with Menopur - I am a pro!!!) So she let me do the shot and that was that! From tomorrow I will do it myself at home. This will happen every day until my next Day 2.

Just a quick question. This may seem pathetic BUT: When do I get my little purple IVF bag? mean, I am spending a fortune. The least they can give me is my little purple meds bag?????

Photography Week Two

Sucked big time!!!! I feel like a failure! I didnt understand today's session at all, and even though I kept asking questions, I still didnt understand after it was explained again. I couldnt even find some of the settings on my camera that was spoken about.

I feel stupid. Maybe my I.Q is below average?

I dont know. Just didnt enjoy today at all and really dont want to go back next week.
I am supposed to take photo's of sunsets, and roads and crap with todays learnings, but how?????? Fuck it, I really think I am a moron
I am feeling so depressed

Ah, my first award! Yay, I feal so honoured (even though I havent updated my blog in like, a week!!!!)
Anyway, these are the rules: (Some of you may have already been awarded this award, but too bad! You get my nomination as well)

The rules of the "One Lovely Blog Award" are: Accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award, and his or her blog link. Pass the award to 15 other blogs that you’ve newly discovered. Remember to contact the bloggers to let them know they have been chosen for this award.

Marthie: http://somylifegoeson.blogspot.com/?zx=c1d7b49fb91d83a4

Paula: http://paula-themomchronicles.blogspot.com

Tammy: http://landman-cools.blogspot.com

Jahni: http://lifestartshere-jahni.blogspot.com

Melanie: http://life-happened.blogspot.com

Mandri:http://mandri-poasaddict.blogspot.com

Kerry: http://kerry-itswhoiam.blogspot.com

Monzelle: http://babadevilliers.blogspot.com

Mandy: http://therealmouse.blogspot.com

Leigh: http://leighloveslists.blogspot.com

Lameez: http://twinkles-thewhole9yards.blogspot.com

Irene: http://hope852.blogspot.com

Niki: http://nikibs.blogspot.com

Zeu: http://alizeezeuner.blogspot.com

Kandis: http://kandisandbrennen.blogspot.com

Erdna:http://spoegiesgrandentrance.blogspot.com

When I Grow Up I Wanna Be....

A photographer!!

I went on my first course of photography today, and I am hooked!

I always had an interest in photography, so I dont know why I never pursued it before. Perhaps I was just too lazy? Or maybe it was lack of finances?
Anyway, I was sent by my work to do this course. We take a lot of photo's of our charity that need to go to media etc and we have normally just hired a photographer for specific events, but my boss decided it was costing us too much. So we bought a camera through work and he signed me up for this course.

I am so excited about this. I seriously want to pursue this. Yes, I know I only had 1 lesson, but it has really grabbed me!
I dont know if my boss will send me on the advanced course (I hope he does!!!) I would need to invest in a decent camera (which I cant right now - no money :( )
But I really hope that this is something I can look at doing......someday........hopefully soon......