Not The Tomb Raider I Thought I Could Be

When embarking on my journey to being a single parent, I thought I was strong enough to do this on my own. And I think I coped pretty well over the past two and a half years. Going to the FS on my own for the first time (and every time after that) Scans done alone. IUI's done alone. Handled BFN's on my own. Had no one with me when I went in for my laps. Going through the IVF journey on my own. No one to share my two lines when I pee'd on a stick. Getting the news that it is twins etc etc Of course, I had my online buddies and support via sms, face book etc. and thank God for them!

But now I wish I was doing this with someone. In fact, to be honest, I always wished I was doing this with someone. I just put on the tough cookie image. I wish I had that special DH who would go with me to my scans. To help ease the fear of carrying two babies. To tell me that I look great even though I know I look like a hefalump right now, and will be 3x times a hefalump in the months to come. To massage my feet when they are throbbing and rub my back when it is aching. To help choose a nursery theme. To be there when I bring these babies into this world.

But that is not to be. So, yet again, I hold my head high, throw my shoulders back, put on a smile, and convince and everyone that I CAN do this, when I am actually not so sure that I can