My Last Belly Pics :(

Taken at 38 weeks and 2 days

4 more days

In 4 days time my life will change forever. I will become a mom.
I am so scared, my hands are shaking as I type this.
Am I abnormal? Most women I know cannot wait for the day that they get to meet their baby/ies, yet I am just terrified. I think it's because I am doing this solo, but I can't pin point it.

Fear has set in!

Well, I made it to 36 weeks! Yippee! With the scares I have had, I was seriously convinced that my boys were going to be born at 30 weeks. But they have hung in there, and I am so proud of them!

Having said that, I have been experiencing pain for the last few days. No cramping or contractions,just severe pelvic and groin pain. I must say I have been feeling rather miserable emotionally as well.

Obviously, with the due date approaching, fear has set in big time! I am so scared of the actual birth. I have been thinking about it non stop. I am scared of going into theatre. I am scared of the epidural. I am scared of the feeling of being numb and not having movement in my legs for 20 hours or so. I am scared of feeling the catheter. I am scared of something going wrong during the delivery.

And then after the birth - I am scared that I will not bond with them. I am scared that they will spend weeks and weeks in NICU. I am scared that I will go into a depression. I am scared I wont get any milk. I am scared I am not able to support them the way they deserve to be supported. I am scared that I wont be able to do this